Give and Take

We got pregnant with our 3rd child around the time we were going through some tough things. God knew we needed a joy in our life at that time. Little did we know what this little baby would mean to us. I was very close to my Mom's Mom - my Grandma (and am still close to my Grandpa). My Grandma got sick this past December and was in the hospital for a week. She was then sent to a nursing home to go through some physical therapy and she was then going to be sent home if all went well. She took a turn for the worse on the Saturday before Christmas. She was admitted to the hospital and put into the ICU. She knew through all of this that she was dying. The nurses and Dr.'s said she was not, but she was sure that she was. On Sunday, the day before Christmas Eve, Mom got a call saying Grandma was wanting to see her. We left church early and Mom, Lynn, Tim and I all went up to see her. Mom, went in first to see her and then came out and told Lynn and I to go in and say our good-bye's to her. The nurses and Dr.'s still were saying she was not dying, but Grandma knew she was. Lynn and I went back in the room with Mom. We walked through the doors and Grandma said to Lynn and I "your Grandma is dying, girls". Wow...I will never forget those words. We spent he next 15 minuets talking to her telling how much we loved her and would miss her. She brought up memories of Lynn and I. We laughed and we cried. I told her I was sad she would not get to meet this baby. I was 16 weeks pregnant and we had not found out what we were having at that point. I told Grandma that I thought it was a girl, so that is what we would go with. She laughed and said it probably would be! She then asked for Tim. It was a precious moment to be in her room with my Mom, Lynn and my husband saying good-bye to her. God is good. Fast forward to that night - too many details to type out. I got home from our Christmas celebration with my Mom's side of the family and my Mom called to tell me that Grandma had died. Another moment I will never forget. Grandma did know she was dying - wow. I decided to meet the family at my Grandparent's house right after we heard the news. Up to this point in my pregnancy I had felt little flutters from the baby, but nothing that made me really stop and say, wow, that was the baby. We get over to my grandparents and we sit in the living room and start sharing memories of Grandma. As we are sitting there talking, the baby goes crazy and is kicking up a storm. It was the first time I KNEW it was the baby. It was as if God was saying to me "I give and I take away".


Tim and I agreed to find out the sex of the baby at the 20 week ultrasound. We decided to find out and not tell anyone. We did not find out the sex with our first two, so this was new to us. We went to our appointment 3 weeks after Grandma died and we found out we were having our 3rd girl. We were thrilled for many reasons and so thankful she was healthy. Weeks later Tim and I were discussing names and had a couple we liked. We both really like Avery, but couldn't settle on a middle name. One night we started talking about middle names. We use middle names that are after family members. So we listed the names we could use and Tim says what about Margaret - my Grandma's first name. I had never thought to use her name in the past. It then hit me like a ton of bricks - 1.) I told her we were having a girl, and she IS a girl. 2.) I felt the baby move right after she passed away. And 3.) at the funeral, my uncle gave the eulogy and ended with these words "AND SO WE CELEBRATE THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. MOM IS EXPERIENCING TRUE PEACE WITH THE LORD AND LISA IS 4 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER DESCENDANT OF MARGE AND GIL." After talking about all these things, Tim and I knew what her name would be ~ Avery Margaret. My Mom was in the delivery room when she was born and it was such an honor to be able to tell her we named her Avery Margaret. Tears were flowing.

I often look at Avery and wonder what my Grandma would think about her. I envision my Grandma holding Avery in her chair, just like she did with my other two girls.

(Grandma with Halle)

Avery will not know my Grandma and that saddens me more than I would like to admit, but she will carry on her name. What a special little girl Avery is to me. I find myself looking at Avery and reminded of Grandma. It is a constant reminder that God is in control and He does have a plan and a purpose. I am often asked if we were wanting a boy for our third because we already have 2 girls. How it hurts me when I am asked that. We wanted what God wanted for this family. He knew Grandma would die when she did and He knew Avery would be born when she was. He knew she would kick when she did and He knew I would tell Grandma it was a girl. So, did we want a boy? No, we wanted our little Avery Margaret!