I often feel like I am to be normal and act as if I am okay with things. I for the most part am okay with things. I feel as a Christian I have Christ who can help me through things so should I be down? I can draw my strength from Him. I also feel like there are so many people who are going thru some really tough things. I mean really tough. My life is like a cake walk compared to theirs. I often am so burden for them and do pray for them. I tell myself, it could be worse. And trust me, I DO know it could be worse. But....I must be real. I am struggling. Not sure if it is hormones or what, but I am struggling.
There...I said it. Life is really good, but I am struggling. I am down and can't shake it. I know I will, but it doesn't feel like it tonight. I know a couple of Mom's who have 3 kids all the same age as mine. I find myself watching them and thinking - How do they do it? They are sooo busy. I just don't know how they do it. HELLOOOOOO......I am THAT Mom. I know Avery will be one soon, but I guess I am ready to admit it - It is really tough having 3 little ones under the age of 5 and I am not supermom. Don't get me wrong, a ton of joy comes with it and I would not trade it for anything, but wow....which end is up?? What day is it?? I have to do laundry again?? Didn't I just clean up this room? For real....you are asking if you can go to the bathroom??? GO!!! I think you get my point....it can be crazy around here. I know I will miss it when they are gone, but I just have to get this off of my chest and out in the open. I don't have it all together, my house is not clean, I have been short with the kids, and frankly my attitude sucks.
I know I will get past this little funk I am in. I will get back to enjoying my days and my kids. I just am not right now and I hope that is normal and okay.
So there it is....me being real. It isn't all roses in the Jackson household, but I do know it will be soon. I just need to work through some things and find a couple of quiet moments for me to spend with God. Not sure how or when, but I will.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program..... :)
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2 comments:
Oh my, friend. It's 12:07am and no one knows I'm up, in fact, if they did, they'd chase me back to bed, where I've been literally for the last 3 days straight! Your blog entry made me smile as I have thought about my last days as a sick mom, useless, thinking of nothing except sleep while others run my home and try to be mom for me - it's about as real as it gets over here! Hang in there - it may seem like "all those other moms" have it together - they just did the day you read about them or saw their posted pictures on the web!!
Love you!
Lisa
I love you and am willing to do whatever it takes to help you get through this time in your life. Obviously having three kids is a lot..nobody can deny that. You are a wonderful mom and wife and no matter what you are feeling during some of your long days at home, you can always rest assured that I will love you through thick and thin. Thanks for being real and not just stuffing it and acting like everything is okay. I would rather know and love the real you instead of a shell of a person. Hang in there sweetheart!
With all my love,
Your husband
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