Blessed

Why is it that I question God and wonder what He is doing? He of course knows what He is doing. He knows my needs and my deepest desires. After having Avery, life seemed to be all about 3 little kids, laundry, food, and cleaning. It was not about me, Tim, and my relationship with God. I was also struggling because my hormones were all out of whack from having Avery. I had shots of progesterone when I was pregnant with her for a little over 24 weeks. The shots were stopped when I was 36 weeks pregnant with her. I then had her and my hormones never went back to normal. I didn't really realize it until a couple of months ago. I know I was feeling "different", but chalked it up to being a busy mom with 3 little ones. Long story short, I am now on medicine to regulate my hormones and am feeling MUCH better. What a difference! I was also in need of some me time and some time with God. I am now doing a Beth Moore Bible study through our church and I love it! It gets me out of the house and into the Word. My Mom and Sister offered to watch the girls one night a week for Tim and I to have a date night. Wow....this has been so nice. Just him and I, enjoying a quiet meal and being able to talk! Thank you Mom and Lynn for doing this for us. What a blessing it has been.

I decided to do our mentioning program at our church. They pair the younger women up with a mature lady. I met the lady I was paired up with and was excited to get to know her better. She had me and the girls over for lunch today. It was just what I needed. I had a really good time and have enjoyed getting to know her. She is so sweet and just loved on my kids.

With all of the changes I have mentioned, I feel like a new women. I am enjoying the summer with my kids, enjoying being a wife, and enjoying being me. I still have my moments where I want to pull my hair out and wonder which end is up. There are dishes in my sink, laundry piled up, things to be taken back to the store, and the list goes on and on.

I am blessed. Blessed to have an incredible husband. Blessed to have 3 darling little girls. Blessed to be a member of a wonderful church. Blessed to have a wonderful family. Blessed to worship and serve my Savior. I am blessed.

My curly headed little girl....

....turned one today!! I can't believe a year ago today Avery Margaret was born. What a blessing she has been in this family. We got home this morning at 9:00 from our trip. Long story short, we were going to drive yesterday till we got home. We should have gotten home around 1:00 in the morning, but decided to stop 3 hours from home. There were really bad storms that we knew we were going to run into if we continued to drive. So, we woke up this morning, in the same clothes we went to bed in and got back on the road. We gave Avery her birthday gifts after we got unpacked. We then had a quiet dinner at home with the 5 of us. It was nice to sit and enjoy each other. She had her first sweet after dinner. We let her have a cupcake! She liked it at first and then decided it was better to just play with it. She was so cute!! We will be having her party next weekend, but it was nice to have a little celebration for her today.

Dear Avery,

To me, you are my Avery girl, my Affie, my Affers, and my Avery Margaret. You can light up a room from a mile away!! Out of all my girls, you smile the most and it takes nothing at all to get you to smile!! I love your curly hair and your big blue eyes. You have brought joy to this house. Your sisters love you to pieces. When you get up from a nap or in the morning, you look for them and then you give them the biggest smiles. They both think the world of you and love to look after you and "Mother" you. I love our Wednesday's alone. Just you and me...running errands and playing.

We named you after your great-Grandma and I often think of her when I look at you. The Lord knew she would never meet you. It saddens me, but I know she would love the fact that she was named after you. She would have loved to hold you and sing to you.

I rocked you to sleep tonight (you always fall asleep on your own in your bed), because I wanted time with you, I wanted to think about the last year, I wanted to tell you things I don't always tell you, I wanted to just hold you, love on you and kiss you. You fell asleep in my arms and I loved every moment of it! I then prayed and thanked God for you.

I thank God for you, Avery. You are a gift from above. I know the Lord has entrusted you to Daddy and I. I know it is our responsibility to raise you in a Godly way. I pray we will continue to do that. I know I have said this before, but I am often asked if we want a boy or if we wanted a boy when I was pregnant with you. The answer is a very firm NO. Daddy and I were thrilled to pieces to know you were a little girl. You are our little girl and we are more than thankful you are in our lives. You complete this family and we can't imagine you not being here.

Little Affie girl, know you Mama loves you! Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Going on Vacation

I have not posted in a long time. It has been crazy around here. I may try and update from our vacation, but don't hold your breath! We are leaving tomorrow morning (middle of the night) around 3:00 to head out. Our prayer is the girls will sleep as we drive! We are meeting my Mom and Sister, Tim's Parents, and his two sisters and their families there. It should be a great week away. The Lord knows I need this vacation. His timing is perfect!

Praying for Stellan

I have been following the story of Baby Stellan and am so burdened for this little guy. You can click on the picture of Stellan on the side of my blog and it will take you to his Mama's blog. He is having heart surgery right now. I pray for this little boy, pray for Dr. A. and pray for his Mom and Dad and family as they wait. This is a very risky surgery.

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you...." ~ Isaiah 66:13

Praying Stellan's Mama will know and feel this verse.

And yes, I am wearing my Orange!

Being real.....

I often feel like I am to be normal and act as if I am okay with things. I for the most part am okay with things. I feel as a Christian I have Christ who can help me through things so should I be down? I can draw my strength from Him. I also feel like there are so many people who are going thru some really tough things. I mean really tough. My life is like a cake walk compared to theirs. I often am so burden for them and do pray for them. I tell myself, it could be worse. And trust me, I DO know it could be worse. But....I must be real. I am struggling. Not sure if it is hormones or what, but I am struggling.

There...I said it. Life is really good, but I am struggling. I am down and can't shake it. I know I will, but it doesn't feel like it tonight. I know a couple of Mom's who have 3 kids all the same age as mine. I find myself watching them and thinking - How do they do it? They are sooo busy. I just don't know how they do it. HELLOOOOOO......I am THAT Mom. I know Avery will be one soon, but I guess I am ready to admit it - It is really tough having 3 little ones under the age of 5 and I am not supermom. Don't get me wrong, a ton of joy comes with it and I would not trade it for anything, but wow....which end is up?? What day is it?? I have to do laundry again?? Didn't I just clean up this room? For real....you are asking if you can go to the bathroom??? GO!!! I think you get my point....it can be crazy around here. I know I will miss it when they are gone, but I just have to get this off of my chest and out in the open. I don't have it all together, my house is not clean, I have been short with the kids, and frankly my attitude sucks.

I know I will get past this little funk I am in. I will get back to enjoying my days and my kids. I just am not right now and I hope that is normal and okay.

So there it is....me being real. It isn't all roses in the Jackson household, but I do know it will be soon. I just need to work through some things and find a couple of quiet moments for me to spend with God. Not sure how or when, but I will.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program..... :)

The Red Door

When my Mom and Dad built the house on Pierwood, they were trying to decided which lot they were going to build on. They drove around and noticed a white two-story with a red door. That red door stood out to my Mom and they decided to build next door. Little did we know what this would mean for our family. We became very close with the family behind the red door - The Leeseman's. Mom became friends with Julie and Lynn and I became friends with Sarah. Our families did everything together. They were like a second family to us. After my parent's got divorced, our families bonded more. Julie and chuck helped my Mom out in so many ways. We just all had a special bond. Julie passed away from cancer 3 years ago. She was like a second Mother to Lynn and I. It was hard to see Chuck and the kids go through this. I was thankful that I could walk that road with Sarah.

On Friday night, Sarah and Stacie (Sarah's older sister) and I were at a retreat given by our church. We were to room together that night. Stacie received a call that changed their lives. Their brother had passed away. I won't go into details out of respect for the family. I found myself in the middle of grief and there to walk the road with Sarah. When my parent's divorced, the Leeseman's were there for us in so many ways. It was my turn to be there for them. I never thought a friendship that started 30 years ago could be so strong. My heart hurts for Sarah. I want to take the pain away. I want to make it better for her. I can't. But, I can be there for her and pray for her and her family. I do know this - I watched Sarah lose her Mom. I watched her grieve. I watched her have to face such a tough thing. But, I watched her grieve with dignity and grace. Sarah has grown into a woman who loves her Lord and who serves Him no matter what she goes through. I have no doubt she will make it through this very difficult time. She will once again, turn to her Lord, her Savior and she will let Him heal her. She will also lean on her husband, Dad, Brother, and Sister. I have no doubt she will make it, but my heart still hurts for her.

Sarah - the Lord had a plan when that red door was painted. He knew our families would be knitted together 32 years ago. What an awesome God we serve. To think he orchestrated Friday night the way He did. I could be there for you - Just like your family had been there for us in the hard times we had. I consider it an honor to be your friend. May the peace and comfort of God's love be so Strong over these next couple of days. You know I love you and you know I am here for you.

Please keep the Leeseman, Wylde, and Fischer families in your prayers. The viewing is on Wednesday night and the funeral is on Thursday. They have a tough road ahead, but I know our Lord and Savior will be there every step of the way.

Peanuts....

What is it with peanuts and our family?? I took Halle to the allergist today for her allergy testing and to talk to the Dr. about her asthma. Halle did exceptionally well with the testing. I remember when Grace had it done and it didn't go over so well for her. She cried through the entire process. Not Halle. She teared up a bit while they rubbed the things on her back. After the nurse left, she was nothing but laughs! She and I had the best time in the room waiting for the test to be over with. It is sad to say, but I obviously don't get many one-on-one moments with my girls. I do when we are at the Dr. or the hospital!!! I treasure these moments. I really treasure them with Halle. Halle is a very laid-back girl who plays well alone and doesn't "demand" a lot of my time or attention. Therefore, I feel she gets slided with the one-on-one time. Today was a fun day for me - her and I...laughing with her shirt off waiting for the test to be done! Moments I will not forget. I love our new Dr. and feel comfortable with the plan she has given us. I won't go into details here...too boring. Halle was tested for all kinds of allergies including food. Grace has a serve peanut allergy. I have not given Halle any kinds of nuts because 1. - it is just easier to not with Grace and 2. - There was a higher chance Halle could be allergic too. Well, she is! I guess I shouldn't be surprised! We now will have an epi pen for her as well!! I am okay with all of this, because we have lived this way for so long with Grace. I am glad we made the decision to not give Halle nuts/peanuts up to this point. We avoided one ER trip!!!